The burning building...

     My father is a generous person. Throughout my life, I have witnessed this in many ways, in my own needs, and for those around me, that my father has bent to give his best assistance to by offering his financial help, or his physical help. He has always been the one family member that all of us could count on to not only take the time to listen to something that you needed to get off of your chest so to speak, but also the one who would take your sadness or anger and show you it can be laughed at, if you dress it up a bit.
     As a girl, my sisters and I were not prissy in a sense of having it "all" but we were usually one of the first in the crowd with whatever was the new fad, more or less in thanks to my mother's love of shopping, but more to my father's willingness to give. My ballet lessons started when I was just a little girl with freckles and pigtails and ended when I had boobs and make-up... all lessons supplied with the prettiest leg-warmers, bodysuits, leotards and shoes.
     My parents divorced, for many reasons, when I was eighteen. Their divorce was not average. Most couples end up hating or taking or fighting. My parents remained friends. There were several cook-outs that I can recall either at my house or my Dad's, that involved my mom coming with one of the several men that she had relations with after, no hostility involved. My Dad had a few relations, only one that lasted for a bit of time. She left his side because of her need to have my mother paying her own way and my father's reluctancy to do so. He supported my mother from day one. He paid her rent, utilities, food, insurance, bought her a car cash, supported her cigarette 1 pack a day habit, bought her wine, paid for her expensive hair products, took her on vacation, let her do her laundry at his house, and she often sleeps on the couch while watching all of her recorded programs on his wide-screen television while drinking his wine. They do not have sexual relations. It is just the weird way that it is. Throughout their divorce, I cannot count how many times I have listened to the comment "seriously?" when trying to describe their relationship. A bit unusual to say the least.
       Some would say that my mother is a mooch. Others would say that my father lets her walk on him. And then others would just assume that there was more to their relationship that we all just do not know about. All perceived notions are false. Their lives are this way because that is what they have chosen for themselves and are comfortable with. They are not trying to fit into any mold and in doing so catch the opinion of anyone looking for ripples in the normative that they need to cut out with their "reasonings" and whatnot.
    I have not asked my father for financial help in the past. My mother seemed to take up that spot of energy in him and I was young with enough of my own world-conquering inspirations to work three jobs if need be. My first marriage went horribly wrong and I never asked for any help, even when my ex husband basically stripped me of everything that I owned including my kids. My second husband put us in an abuse shelter and then I lived in a Salvation Army for over a year... did not ask my father to pay for our rent in some "normal" life setting. No, I was bad-ass enough to work as a single mom, taking on all of the responsiblity of being analyzed by every government agency as to my worthiness as a person, after all, and I did so amazingly well... better than well. My first apartment was in a low income complex, equipped with cockroaches of many species, even in the refrigerator. The furniture that I collected from flea markets and yard sales I carried up to the second story apartment on my back alone. I did it on my own. I did it by myself with two kids and a psycho ex stalker to top it off, thousands of miles from my family... for years.
   My father sent me money a few times during these years. However it was more like happy money we are not going to have our electric turned off money. It was not often and I do not think that I asked for it, he was just being generous. During my second marriage, towards then end, we were living in a motel for 6 weeks after being evicted for the who knows how many-eth time, and my father helped us with a deposit on a rented house near to my new job that I finally landed with help of an agency that was trying to get me away from my abusive ex. It was maybe a thousand dollars that we asked for, and we lived in this house long enough for him to abuse us with a few mentioned situations that are explained in our permanent restrait order... like throwing a chair across the room, with me in it... and locking our small pre-school aged children outside while he smoked crack in the bathroom with a woman while I was at the hospital. I was not sick, however, I was saying good-bye to my dying grandfather. These episodes are written in the facts sheets of several investigating agencies that got involved at that time. So that amount of rent money that my father let us have to move out of the motel and into this house seemingly was for nothing... as our marriage did not last for more than six months after.
Several years following, my father jumped in to help me again. Ricardo and I were living happily with the kids in our later low income apartment complex, where we met, and the ex got word of our relationship and our location and was due to fly into town immediately in his words "to kill me because I was a good for nothing whore" so we needed to move over night. My father helped with another down payment on a deposit and we moved. Our new place had holes in the actual walls... was not top of the line by any means... but it was ours for another seven months or so until we left for Mexico.
      Exactly how many times my father has helped us pay thousands for airline tickets has not been kept track of, but it has been many. The kids and I live with him now, have taken over his home as six kids will do. Grocery trips and water bills and phone charges, all considerably more than if it were him alone in the house. Of course there is appreciation in this even though we do not like it any more than he probably does. We do not like to feel dependent on anyone. We want to be on our own, making our own decisions, living a normal life with normal struggles. We are like fat cats here, sedating ourselves with chips and hostess cakes in front of the electronic technology as we do not have means to leave the house such as a vehicle or ability to make money to change things. It is a circle of dependency that my father is generously permitting so we survive yet another month, week, or day... it is all starting to run together as nothing changes.
      Being free, being independent... something I have longed for a long time... not so easy to find. Once, when receiving court mandated counseling after my abusive second marriage, we came to the conclusion during our home visited session, that I have a problem with men controlling me, owning me, and me letting it happen. I really dont think that I purposely let it happen though. Actually I think that I am quite the opposite. I proved that I could provide and build my own life... Is it really my consequence to carry on my shoulders that I am a victim of domestic violence? Yes a victim. That word carries with it a code that has been established that says, survival is first, do what you have to do. I sure do have that ideal mastered. Give me the opportunity, free from ownership or control from all the little loops that are made to jump through, and wow, she is free. And... I am really good at freedom, accomplishing great strides.
      Generosity was the topic however I do not want to stray too far into the depths of my mental variations as to why I am where I am at right now, at the mercy of the opinions of even my own children now that look at me as if they are waiting for me to "do" something. That leads me back to my original thought of why have I stopped writing... I lost my sponsorship. There is a lot of confusion in that topic for me, mainly because my father is, or was, my sponsor, or rather, my husband's sponsor. That pot at the end of the rainbow where Ricardo comes back to the USA with the appropriate legal rights on a paper, and we drive off into the sunset with the kids and start a new life full of stability for ourselves... yes that is the final wish. The confusion is why. I am at a loss because of the dependency, the generosity, the needs, the wishes, the anger, the future, that what do we do now worry, and that haven't we truly had enough emotion... it has frozen my mind for some time. Am I not worthy of being free, or that it is not part of the equation but that of trust, as I am a bouncing ball in a tight hallway... even if those closing walls were, or were not, due to my construction.
       Live with your consequences, make your own way, you made your choices... all words from people that were not by my side in the past, but now are quick to recommend that I be on trial. It angers me, and anger can be debilitating to a point. Freeing myself of that weight alone is a task that I am just about there, working it out, finding how these people are usually hiding many of their own faults behind your obvious-to-everyone-trait, sticking out like a bruised face... oh no sorry about the transparency... I really am a stronger person than you and it took me some serious thought to examine your life, because unlike yourself, I do not judge others... but I am finally there, able to let go of the opinions of the trial that I am on. Choices are a wonderful thing, when and only when, they are offered. Another's fortune does not always coincide with your own. Acceptance that there are details that some will never understand for all who do not need to be apart of the trial of judges that are completely out of place in their involvement should therefore not be a part of my decision making as to what we are going to do to rectify this sudden loss in our future's only hope.
     Generosity goes a long way when you are in need. I wonder who is going to ever take me seriously when the obvious puts me into a bad light. I have a father, who has this generous bone that has earned the "talk of the town" as being unusually generous, opposite of stingy... and yet, he does not want to sponsor my husband. The main inspiration for searching for our rights against the government and to find unity in others was from my father's own advice. Who will ever take us seriously now?
       This is not to down my father, this is to show my own battle with what I am faced with. I am heavy with pressures, emotions, confusion, and now I am in a position where I need to reach out to a stranger to offer us that freedom that we need to start our life as a stabile family. It is difficult to reach out when I feel like I am being told that we are not worthy. It is a circle that I need to break somehow so that I can save my family. I am having a hard time initiating that reach, especially from a house that I rarely have opportunity to leave from as I do not have transportation. My kids are depending on me to pull a miracle out of my ass.
   That is where we are at right now. In a state of looser-ville... and we do not want to be here. Where we are... and where we "could be" given the opportunity to fly. My family has such extreme potential. We are not loosers, not one of us... how do I begin to get this stage of the waiver process accomplished without turning crazy. I do not know. The confusion and anger as to why we are not able to just finally have a chance at being a normal family is something that makes me feel like giving up. That then would be a consequence for me, not the previous... giving up, which I have not ever done in my life, even though I could or should have... I feel close to that option. I am tired. Giving up will mean separation from two of my children permanently. We would live in Mexico with or without residency availability for us. We may loose the children's education in the process. Our health would be extremely compromised. The birth of our baby this October would too be a whole "walk the plank" experience in its own, as a 42 yr old woman with previous c-sec... it is, like I said, almost debilitating and immobilizing. We will overcome.... one more time.

My research paper on the beginning of Christianity

The Early Days of the Developing Christian Church

           The Holy Spirit moved through men to establish Christianity, possessing them with the words that attracted society to empower their brotherhood, only to contradict man’s free will to seek desires to harness this empowerment over society for selfish gains.  This caused deep insult to true Christianity in many instances throughout the earlier days of the Church.  Many times fear was placed upon society for claiming their Christian faith as well as the intense accusations of not being Christian enough.  This fear should not be confused with the presence or influence of God or of Christ but rather with the intentions of man.  The Christian Church is established by men and the aspect of its rule over society was then through men.  Christ was not sent to us to establish a church or set the rules of the church. He came to teach us the blessed nature of the Father and through us individually in the Holy Spirit. The early history of Christianity began with a mission of man, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to spread the Word, however, the darkness of spiritual warfare turned many men to use their influence over society to tarnish the original plan of Christ.

       Once Christ was crucified by the Romans, during the Roman Empire, the mission to establish Christianity became that of the Apostles. This was the beginning with the aide of free will of the men who made the decision to form a brotherhood of man under a unified presence of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was introduced to them in a day of Pentecost, an agricultural festival celebrating the first fruits of the harvest in which foreign men attended from all across the Mediterranean basin in the city of Jerusalem, city of the Jewish religion. “Before Pentecost there were only 120 Christians in Jerusalem, and their gathering was a large ‘upper room’, otherwise unidentified, but probably the same chamber where Jesus had instituted the Last Supper” (as cited in Maier, 1974, pg 16, para 1).  The Apostles and a small society within Jerusalem, including Mary, mother of Jesus, becomes a dramatic approach to such a small amount of people creating such a huge response in the later days and spread of Christianity as it certainly manifests question to whether man alone is capable of such influence over society.

        At this time the Holy Spirit appeared as a gust of wind that blew across the festival of foreigners that gathered in Jerusalem, following flames that were witnessed by the Apostles, and at that time a miracle was performed. Though many of the travelers were foreign with many different languages, they were able to understand each other. “In Luke’s record the miracle of Pentecost was not primarily rushing sounds, tongues of flame, or instant linguistic genius, but the arrival of God and the Holy Spirit who could inspire and transform a man in such a way” (as cited in Maier, 1974, pg 21, para 3). On this day of Pentecost in this mixed society of people, three-thousand people became Christians. “Not even Jesus’s preaching drew such a response… or there would have been more believers than the lonesome 120 Christians before Pentecost” (as cited in Maier, 1974, pg 21, para 4). The history of the first days of Christianity challenges that the church was not completely responsible for the spread of Christianity in the individual heart of the society, but it led to the establishment of the church.

     Within the first few decades of the spread of Christianity, the weight fell upon the Apostles, and with the aide of the wisdom of elders and others, they formed a group that was semi organized in order to be able to draw in donations to redistribute to the poor and needy of the community as an outreach, and also to formulate certain rules of doctrine over their newfound Christian religion. The main goal was of course was to give the people of the world the knowledge of “the way” of total salvation through the spreading of their faith. Still, it was not without interruption of power struggles within for the politics of man became apparent as to who knew the best ways to do so and the appropriate things to be teaching.  The beginning establishment of the organization of men to spread the Christian faith was from the start riddled with discrepancies of power struggles between men.

      Even more than the struggle within the men of the church, were the conflicts that were faced in the society that they were attempting to teach to during these first missions into the world. Paul is a true example of how a person can condemn the Christians enough that the direction that he chose for his life was to persecute them. What better choice in men than a man who knew the minds of those who persecute, to form his highly educated gift of debate to defend the faith once he received his change of heart given to him from the Holy Spirit on the road to Damascus on his way none other than to persecute the Christian society. Paul’s influence over men with his intelligence, using his deep understanding of the Jewish prophetic doctrine and his ability to debate, combined with his bilingual skills and his protected class- status of Roman citizen, was able to bring about the first primitive congregations of Christians in cities peppered across the Mediterranean basin, ending with Rome, the capital of the then Roman Empire under the Emperor Nero. Eventually Nero persecuted the Christians and had Paul put to death with Peter, another Apostle that was in Rome establishing the faith. (Maier, 1974) Another conflict in the earliest days of the spread of Christianity is found with Ananos, the high priest of Jerusalem in the Jewish religion, as “convened the high council of judges and brought before them James, the brother of Jesus (called the ‘Messiah’), and several others” (as cited in Arnold, 1970, pg 62 para 2). This interjected the emotion of fear in society in claiming their Christian faith. The execution of the Apostles and other martyrs over the beginning few decades was to be the incomprehensible irrationality that persecuted Christians for merely believing in their own salvation.

       At this point in the history of the Christian Church, the human element becomes apparent and fear becomes a contributing factor of the outcomes of countless situations; either in fear to be a part of, or fear of,  the Christian community. “Based in part on prior research showing that fear, threat, and anxiety decrease cognitive capacity and motivation, we hypothesize that under high(vs. low) threat, people will seek to curtail open-ended information searches and exhibit motivated closed-mindedness (one aspect of the need for cognitive closure)” (as cited in Thorisdottier & Jost, 2011). The attraction of the open-ended information that the Salvation in Christianity attracted people initially brought upon secondly close-mindedness due to the extreme fear that was posed in the persecution of the Christian community. It stands to wonder the circles carried about of acceptance then persecution throughout the ages, what limits in cognitive ability in the community suggests alternate sequences of events. As “…open-mindedness is essentially a matter of assessing one or more sides of an intellectual dispute in a fair and impartial way” (as cited in Baehr, 2011, para 1), it is plausible to think that the relevant facts throughout history on the fear factor that stumped society also placed limits on the Christian faith in truth to be exonerated. In order to overcome the persecution, certain challenges would have to be enforced into the minds of non-believers, and most of them became entrenched in their positions of finding fault in the Christian faith rather than simply and fairly examining it. This combined with the building of wealth, helped to sway the hearts of power seeking individuals

    The church continued to grow following the death of the Apostles and the original members of the faith, “in classical literature as the scapegoats Nero tried to pin the blame on for the catastrophe” (as cited in Cheetham, 1982, pg 5, para 3), of the extreme fires that destroyed much of the city of Rome.  Still, this display of unfounded hate did not displace Christianity as it thrived in the community. Domitian became emperor of Rome and “Finally, he showed himself the successor of Nero in enmity and hostility to God…he was in fact, the second to organize persecution against us…” (as cited in Williamson, 1965, pg 125, para 2).

      In the earlier days of the Christian church, the structure was somewhat informal. The titles given to the leaders of each city’s congregation were with less significance in meaning than later noted in the official history of succession of bishops and popes. The leader of the church in Rome in the beginning was the Apostle Peter, followed by Linus and Cletus. However, “while it may be convenient to describe them as ‘popes’, it must be kept in mind that this title did not exclusively designate the heads of the Roman Church until the ninth century at the earliest” (as cited in Cheetham, 1982, pg 8, para 1). The third leader elect of the church in Rome was Clement, a man of higher class and culture, attracting a wide variety of social class in the community to the Christian church. Clement’s strong leadership skills were derived mainly from his stance that he took on the observance of the Apostles. “Clement invokes the example of the Apostles, whom he had almost surely known in his youth” (as cited in Cheetham, 1982, pg 9, para 2). Christian worship at this time took place in the homes of the wealthier Christians.              

       Immigrants from Syria, Asia Minor, and Egypt flooded Rome in the early second century. “The Bishops of Rome were glad to receive visits from such pillars of the eastern churches as Ignatius of Antioch and Polycarp of Smyrna, the representative of Christian congregations far larger and more solid than those of Italy and the whole western part of the Empire” (as cited in Cheetham, pg 10, para 3). Ignatius was the first to call the Christians “Catholic” the Greek word meaning universal.  (Cheetham, 1982) The Catholic Church was faced with great hurdles of heresies that developed to encourage their own followers, combining Jewish theology with magic or universal levels of cosmologies. There were also periods that certain emperors, such as Antonius Pius (138-61) persecuted Christians for being different than his philosophical intellect that he wished for his rule. (Cheetham, 1982). Christianity was protected by the Catholic Church that insisted on the original path that the Apostles set for them.

        The political nature of the Church then was power in hierarchy. The bishops of the church were to make decisions for the future of the Church, and it became a slow climb into the ranks. Such a decision would be in the disagreement among bishops of several lands on the actual day of Easter. Many of the Palestine bishops assembled, and “composed a lengthy review of the traditional Easter festival which had come down to them without a break from the Apostles…” (as cited in Williamson, 1965, pg 234, para 1), and they also agreed with the bishop in Alexandria who answered the letters, “to ensure that we keep the holy day in harmony and at the same time” (as cited in Williamson, 1965, pg 234, para 2). Irenaeus, a Christian from Smyrna, wrote five books “slashing denunciation of the heretics” (as cited in Cheetham, 1982, pg 11) and claimed Rome as the center of the Church, even though not as strong as those churches in Asia, they were founded by two great Apostles. “All roads led to the city and the center of the Empire; it was there that all the traditions and experiences of the church were gathered, examined and reconciled” (as cited in Cheetham, 1982, pg 11). The politics of the city then began to change dramatically outside of the politics of the Church that caused many great beginnings for the establishment of the Catholic Church and the power over society.

        The Roman Emperor was called off to different wars as the Empire was under pressures from potential conquerors, so he delegated seats to care for sections of the Empire called Augustus. In the year 305, Constantine was promoted to Augustus, and he enforced that the persecution of the Christians become lax with new toleration laws, as he had a Christian wife. (Cheetham, 1982).  Constantine and “his soldiers entered the city [of Rome] with the emblem of the cross displayed on their shields” (as cited in Cheetham, 1982, pg 16, para 3). He found that politically speaking, Christianity would benefit his rule as it was something that he thought the people would need, a combination of both the unifying factor and the intellectual and emotionally fulfilling religion. Constantine then awarded Silvester, then the Bishop of Rome, the name of universal Pope “bequeathing to him and his successors Rome and all the provinces in the west and he would take up rule in the east (Cheetham, 1982). He then built the first two great basilicas adjoining the Lateran Palace as well as the grave site that honored the Apostle Peter at the Vatican cemetery. (Cheetham, 1982). At this period of time, even though there would have been a rush to join the Christian faith as a sense of security in society under Constantine, as nice of a thought in building the congregation to a larger size, not all of the new members would be with the right intentions.  

     The papacy gained power as they maintained a direction for the Christians of the Roman Empire upon the collapse of the Empire. They did this through their strong leadership as bishops from each early established church reported to the pope elected in Rome. Not only did this allure Christians to feel guided, but it attracted political agendas from the conquerors. “The adoption of Roman Christianity ensured that medieval Europe would inherit crucial cultural elements from classical Roman society, including the Latin language and the institutional Roman church” (as cited in Bentley, Ziegler, & Streets, 2008, pg 260, para 3).The politics were instituted as a part of the church with somewhat of an arrangement between Clovis, a Frank, and the Carolingians as Charlemagne vowed to protect the papacy, creating a foothold in the political ring for the pope elect. For example, “the Carolingians received recognition and backing from the popes, including the award of Charlemagne’s imperial crown of the hands of Pope Leo III” (as cited in Bentley, Ziegler, & Streets, 2008, pg 260). This stage of the Christian Church was a conversion from Christianity as a personal journey to a political authority with all aspects of men’s agendas for power included, as well as securing a future for the Christian Church.

      Once established, Christianity took on a face of not the victim, fighting and fearing for its existence, but rather that of the persecutor. Oppressive measures to rid the land of heresies were manifested through the hierarchy of the papacy. Bishops were faced with the decisions of exhuming bones of the dead who were later presumed to not be Christian enough, and to burn them in fires joining actual live peoples believed to be heretics. “Though both had been dead for more than thirty years [two names are given], the Inquisition ordered their bones to be exhumed and their property confiscated” (as cited in O’Brien, 1973, pg 97, para 3). Everyone seems to have jumped on the band wagon of purposely pocketing presumed heretics’ fortunes and possessions, condemning them to death. “The worst greed was by the civil magistrates who either shared with the Inquisitors, or as in France, pocketed all the spoils on condition of bearing all the expenses. But in either case the financial tie-up was harmful to religion and undermined confidence in the Inquisition as a court of even-handed justice” (as cited in O’Brien, 1973, pg 78, para 1). The confiscation policy of heretics’ possessions became the center of purpose of claiming heretics and the quarreling among those involved over the confiscated properties became utter outrage in society. “For the Apostle says, ‘A man that is a heretic after the first and second admonition avoid.’ Those are held captive by the Devil who, leaving their Creator, seek the aide of the Devil, and so the Holy Church must be cleansed of this pest” (as cited in O’Brien, 1973, pg 115, para 5). Unfortunately the meaning behind the words was misinterpreted by the evil greed that takes hold of the free will of men who confuse themselves with the fact that the original doctrine, original words developed by men, were not to be mistaken for the original message of Christ, upon which Christianity was devoted to.

      The early days of the Christian Church were full of trial and error of men who attempted to establish a lifeline to the teachings of Christ to the people of the world in for future generations. The society of the generations that were succumbed by the trials were influenced in that they were part of the political movements that revolved around the establishment of the Christian Church both in persecutions, upon where martyrs were honored, and for the political agendas of the Emperors and leaders of the lands. In the beginning days, the world has never witnessed such of some of the most miraculous conversions that took place; miracles in the beginning as a gift from God to ensure the start of Christianity. The early history of Christianity began with a mission of man, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to spread the Word, however, the darkness of spiritual warfare turned many men to use their influence over society to tarnish the original plan of Christ.

References:

Arnold, E. (1970). The Early Christians, After the Death of the Apostles. Plough Publishing House, Rifton, New York.

Baehr, J.. (2011). The Structure of Open-Mindedness. Canadian Journal of Philosophy, 41(2), 191-213,357.  Retrieved January 15, 2012, from ProQuest Religion. (Document ID: 2432495321).

Bentley, J., Ziegler, H., & Streets, H. (2008). Traditions & Encounters A Brief Global History. McGraw-Hill, New York.

Cheetham, N. (1982). Keepers of the Keys, The History of the Popes from St. Peter to John Paul II. Charles Scribner’s Sons, New York.

Frank, I.W. (1996). A Concise History of the Medieval Church. Continuum Publishing. New York.

Maier, P.L.. (1974). First Christians, Pentecost and the Spread of Christianity. Harper & Row, Publishers. New York, Hagerstown, San Francisco, London.

O’Brien, J.A., Ph.D., LL.D. (1973). The Inquisition. Macmillan Publishing Co. Inc., New York.

 Thórisdóttir, H., & Jost, J.. (2011). Motivated Closed-Mindedness Mediates the Effect of Threat on Political Conservatism. Political Psychology, 32(5), 785-811.  Retrieved January 15, 2012, from ABI/INFORM Global. (Document ID: 2425844741)

Williamson, G.A. (1965). Eusebius,  The History of the Church from Christ to Constantine. Penguin Books. Baltimore, Maryland.

Our Feet

     When I first met Ricardo I thought he had the most attractive feet that I ever laid my eyes on. I thought he should be a foot model for a magazine or foot-creme ad or something. I used to think that my feet were so ugly in comparison. I felt embarrassed that someone with such nice feet would probably look at my feet and be disgusted or think funny things that made me self conscious.
     After some years passed I started to notice the imperfections in his feet. His two middle toes seemed to be the same size and so were his two little toes. How did I not notice this before? Were these different feet than what I remember them being from those perfect feet? I was confused.
    When the baby was born and her little toe stuck out to the side, I immediately realized that she had her father's feet. I remembered back to when our son was born and his feet were also with the same little tricky toe... that of his father's.
     At this point, his imperfections of his feet combined with how beautiful they are all at the same time, I realize that it happens like that in marriages sometimes. You love someone in total even after you realize they have a tricky toe.
     When someone that you love in turn loves you for who you are, ugly and all, you start to see yourself differently, more of what they see in you blossoms in your own eyes about yourself.
...I think my feet are kind of cute now.
      The best part about our feet are when they are at the bottom of the bed, hugging each other warm under the covers.